One of the more unusual stories to break after the Xbox One reveal was that Microsoft has patented the ability to unlock achievements by watching TV.

One obvious use is as an incentive to tune into certain shows and films. It’s not an idea that’s massively new – there have been movie trailers on Xbox Live in the past which have offered a free avatar or gamer pic after viewing.

Given that every Xbox One comes with a Kinect, there’s plenty of scope for mirth with the idea surrounding Microsoft’s new patent. Here are twelve achievements we’d like to see but probably (read: definitely) never will.

  • It’s a miracle – 30G
    You laughed during an episode of Outnumbered
  • A sign of maturity – 50G
    You watched a Star Wars film without making any lightsaber noises
  • Smooth move, bro – 20G
    Kinect detected you performing the old ‘yawn and stretch’ move with a potential new partner
  • Bad mother f**ker – 100G
    You silently lip-synced all of Samuel Jackson’s lines in Pulp Fiction
  • Just how old are you, exactly? – 5G
    Kinect detects you’re watching CBeebies even though no children are present
  • Well, that was awkward – 75G
    Watched any American Pie film with your nan
  • Now go outside for some fresh air, stinky – 150G
    Watched all eight Harry Potter films back-to-back
  • Subliminal advertising works – 50G
    Ate a can of Whiskers after watching District 9
  • They can’t hear you, idiot – 5G
    Yelled “Bank!” ten times during The Weakest Link
  • It can be our little secret – 20G
    You cried at the end of Wall*E
  • No, it’s not real – 5G
    You tried to reach out and grab the chocolate bar during the commercial scene in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
  • Really? – 5G
    You questioned why Batman and Superman aren’t in Avengers Assemble

Now let us pray for achievement hunters everywhere that Microsoft doesn’t sign up a new series of Eldorado.