echochrome

“Nice video / Shame about the song.” That’s probably the only thing I can remember from Not the Nine O’Clock News, which isn’t bad considering it was first broadcast when I was between the ages of -2 and 0 years old. It rather sums up echochrome though, which looked simply divine when it was shown in video form last year. A black and white puzzle game where changing perspective changes reality – it looked interesting, new, mature.

But I should have seen it coming. The black and white, the all lowercase title – it’s massively poncy, and that’s not often a good sign. What should have been a minimalist, mind-bending, but perversely intuitive puzzler, is actually just a fiddly little bugger.

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WALL-E

WALL-E’s opening level shows promise, with the trash-compacting robot whizzing around an abandoned futuristic version of Earth solving puzzles with cubes made out of various scrap metals. As soon as the second level recon robot EVE becomes playable. Her free-roaming flying levels are the best looking in the game – although that’s not saying much …

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Ninja Gaiden II

The original Ninja Gaiden (on Xbox, not the NES one) was a tough game. So much so that FHM infamously gave it a scathing review because they couldn’t get past the first boss. For this sequel an ‘Acolyte ninja’ easy mode is available from the start, but the strange thing is that the game keeps on getting easier and easier – the weapons get more powerful but you’re still fighting the same old enemies. To put this into perspective: the predecessor took me 32 hours to finish; this took just over 13. So yes, the easy mode does exactly what it says on the tin. But does this sequel provide the same slick joyride?

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Secret Files: Tunguska

This point and click adventure game has had to survive not one but two conversions. Not only has it been converted from PC to Wii, but the speech has also has been translated from German to English. The change of format has gone smoothly – the controls work well and the visuals remain nice and sharp – but it’s fair to say that some of the jokes have been lost in translation. You can imagine the German version being quite witty and tongue-in-cheek in places, but now the jokes seem a little cheesy. Not ‘My dog has no nose / How does he smell? / Terrible!’, but close enough.

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Space Invaders Extreme

I know what you’re thinking – re-releasing Space Invaders on the DS is about as worthwhile as stabbing yourself in the eye with a ballpoint pen. There has already been a retro revamp of Space Invaders on the DS in the form of 2005’s Space Invaders Revolution, which was an utter balls up. And who …

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UEFA EURO 2008

England qualified for Euro 2008, easing past the group stage with two days to go, thanks to top drawer performances from Phil Neville and superb leadership by me, on the left wing.

Euro 2008Obviously in real life this didn’t happen. In real life England spluttered towards the inevitable outcome of failure, due to awful management and not playing me on the left wing. But this is what games are for. To redress the balance, to change things back to the way they where supposed to be, to create a fantasy that’s better than reality. So England qualified, and I played on the left wing, set up the winning goal in the final against Holland, Phil Neville lifted the trophy, and Frank Lampard didn’t get a game.

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Cub3d

Everybody has had their say on GTA IV, so to see a review on these hallowed pages now would be more than a little pointless. However, not many words have been said about Cub3d – the playable puzzle arcade game found within some of Liberty City’s ‘adult establishments’. So we’ll review that instead. GTA: San …

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Ninja Reflex

Can you imagine this: a game for the Nintendo DS, made up of short mini-games, which you’re supposed to play for a little while every day in order to improve some faculty? It’s an original idea the likes of which we’ve never seen before. Except of course I’m lying. There are approximately as many brain …

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Professor Layton and the Curious Village

Puzzles, brain teasers, riddles, conundrums – whatever you want to call them, the inhabitants of the peculiar village of St. Mystere are full of them. In fact, their biggest export is not any type of animal, mineral or vegetable but, as you may have guessed, puzzles. Or whatever you choose to call them. The titular …

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Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3

Do you know about the Dark Hour? The hidden hour that appears after midnight where normal people turn into coffins and shadows feed off the souls of the lost? Where special agents from SEES (the Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad) fight the shadows, summoning up personas to help them in battle and save the world. Personas …

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Game Party

I once went to a party at my friend James’ house. Unfortunately I got really drunk and ended up heaving up on the garden. I felt pretty bad. Then his mum handed me an ASDA bag and asked me to clean it up. What gives? It was the garden. She could have just hosed it …

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Dragoneer’s Aria

Have you noticed that there are already an abundance of obscure RPGs on the PSP? Congratulations – you’re smarter than most of the publishers out there. This one tries to stand out from the crowd by featuring dozens of super-sized lizards and, well, that’s about it really. Koei aren’t exactly known for innovation – just …

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NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams

Pillaging their back catalogue is something Sega like to do quite often, but the results haven’t exactly been positive – for every Outrun 2 or Sega Rally there’s an a rancid 3D update of Alien Syndrome or Altered Beast. NiGHTS is a funny one – sequels have been rumoured for ages but it has taken …

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Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem

There’s a little bit of history behind this PSP exclusive. You see, Rebellion were the first studio to have a go at pitting cinema’s illustrious baddies together way back on the Atari Jaguar, but after doing four Aliens vs. Predator titles in a row the license holders decided to let another studio (Monolith) have a …

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Geometry Wars: Galaxies

Converting an Xbox 360 game to the somewhat more humble DS is a mammoth task in itself, but it’s nothing compared to the other challenge Kuju have had to undertake. That is, to bulk up this simplistic yet cherished shooter with enough new things to justify the £24.99 price tag – which is nearly six …

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