I once went to a party at my friend James’ house. Unfortunately I got really drunk and ended up heaving up on the garden. I felt pretty bad. Then his mum handed me an ASDA bag and asked me to clean it up. What gives? It was the garden. She could have just hosed it off. But no, I had to grasp the carrier bag in my hand and scoop up the warm, mushy sick. It was the third worst party I’d ever been too. The second worst party I’ve ever been to involved me getting bored, playing solitaire for an hour and then getting kicked out for upsetting people. The worst party I’ve ever been to is Game Party. It’s worse than the feel of vomit-through-a-bag. They should put that quote on the box.
Game Party is basically a cash in on Wii Play. Seven Mini games for a budget price, all with an element of multiplayer. The games vary from pub games, like throw the ball in the cup and shove ‘alfpenny, to things like Table Hockey, Darts and mini-basketball. There’s even a quiz in here. The problem is that every single game is boring, flawed, tedious and the music drives you insane.
I went for the quiz first, as I love quizzes, however I was astounded to find that the questions weren’t even localised. There’s questions on American adverts and brands, baseball seasons and American kids TV programmes. If you’re playing in multiplayer the other players can see what answer you choose, too. The only remotely fun bit is spinning the category wheel, and that doesn’t even work particularly well.
The other games also fail in various ways. To be good at darts, you have to throw in an utterly unnatural way, the shove ‘alfpenny is tedious beyond belief, the Table Hockey is uncontrollable with you often not able to move, the shooting games are just a case of pushing the remote forward with no consideration given to Newton, and Ping Cup is throwing balls in a cup. It’s throwing balls in a cup. It’s throwing balls in a cup. Get some cups, crumple up a bit of paper. It’s throwing balls in a cup.
And all the while there’s this music that eats at you, music that you find on MIDI sites. Generic Irish music. Like in Titanic. For a minute at a time. On loop. Until you. Can only. Form. Short sentences.
Join the Party!