Allow me to introduce you to Schrödinger’s cart. Unlike the previous two AVGN games, which favoured 16-bit style visuals, this new endeavour transports us back to the past and into the 8-bit era. The reason behind this, aside from nostalgia, is that it’s due a physical NES release in the future. It exists as a new modern NES game. But at the same time, this is something that couldn’t have existed in the ‘80s. Not so much because of the developer’s modern coding techniques, but because it’s loaded with swears, poop jokes, and satanic imagery. Nintendo’s QA team would’ve needed their emergency holy water for this one.
It begins with a FMV sequence in which the nerd sits down to play a game, only for Super Mecha Death Christ to appear and infect not just their beloved (and curiously unbranded) NES, but all consoles across the globe. The only way to beat the virus is to defeat six bosses before taking on Death Christ himself. Additional FMV cut scenes appear at key points, providing welcome encouragement, before concluding in a typical over-the-top AVGN manner. Suffice to say, this is more than just a repackaged NES ROM, almost feeling like a new episode of the show.
The Mega Man series provides the bulk of inspiration for this action platformer, featuring a similar stage select screen, a focus on beating bosses, and the ability to slide through small gaps. Beating a boss doesn’t grant a new skill, however. Instead, the nerd has a NES Zapper-style pistol that can be upgraded by collecting tokens, eventually gaining a powerful spread shot. Taking a hit will see the weapon degraded, albeit with a chance to collect a dropped token before it vanishes. If you’re skilful, it’s possible to reach the boss with a fully upgraded weapon, which will give a huge advantage as they have colossal health bars to drain. A few different ‘smart bombs’ also feature, and if you’re down to your last life in easy mode, then Shit Pickle will appear and continuously dole power-ups and health tokens, making a victory almost given.
Stages can be tackled in any order, and you’ll soon notice that some are easier than others. The same goes for the bosses; a handful are easily defeated, while a couple in particular see the difficulty level temporarily rise. There’s a password system in place, which is presumably intended for the physical NES version as it’s possible to continue from the title screen. It’s also generous with its extra lives and health tokens, especially on the easier difficulty settings.
Rather than featuring generic locations, each stage is based on either a NES classic or inspired by an AVGN episode. It has Ghouls ‘n Ghosts and Castlevania pastiches, a poop-filled Battletoads inspired stage, a trek through a Terminator/Pepsi Man production plant, an ET parody, a stage based on the lost Atari 2600 game Swordquest AirWorld, and a remarkably accurate recreation of the notorious Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – complete with a stage that scrolls in the opposite direction. Stages are short – but not much shorter than in similar NES classics – and there’s a light sprinkling of variety such as one boss fight being a horizontal shooter. Optional paths help add replay value too, with some paths being trickier than others.
This culminates into a tougher final stage with infrequent checkpoints, taking a good 20-30 minutes to beat depending on your platforming skills. A few areas in this final stage are taxing, mostly because enemies respawn if you move back and forth across the screen. Elsewhere, when falling off a ledge it’ll sometimes place you next to a freshly respawned enemy, while in the AirWorld stage it isn’t uncommon to be placed on top of spike blocks after falling from a platform. I can’t blame the controls for any of this, thankfully, as they’re noticeably responsive. Trying to shoot small targets while jumping can be tricky, but that’s about the only downside were jumping and shooting are concerned.
Mega Cat Studio’s expertise with the humble NES is definitely on display here, featuring a mixture of large bosses, detailed backdrops, and chiptunes that don’t always suit a stage’s theme but are nevertheless catchy. They’ve managed to cram in a few sampled speech clips as well, with the nerd yelling “Ass!” upon dying. Going in, I was concerned about sprite flicker but it seems like whatever emulator/shell is being used has eliminated that. Let’s hope the NES version is as fortunate.
Angry Video Game Nerd 8-bit is a neat little package that’s well presented, filled with fan service, and has a difficultly level that’s welcoming to those not well versed with NES classics while also providing a challenge for those who crave it. A long lasting experience this isn’t, clocking in at 2-3 hours, but like the best AVGN episodes, you may find yourself returning in the future for a second viewing. For something that features such sights as Uncle Fester’s faced mounted onto the TMNT’s Technodrome, it’s a surprisingly grounded experience.
Mega Cat Studio’s Angry Video Game Nerd 8-bit is out 23rd Oct on all formats. Published by Retroware.