UEFA EURO 2008

England qualified for Euro 2008, easing past the group stage with two days to go, thanks to top drawer performances from Phil Neville and superb leadership by me, on the left wing.

Euro 2008Obviously in real life this didn’t happen. In real life England spluttered towards the inevitable outcome of failure, due to awful management and not playing me on the left wing. But this is what games are for. To redress the balance, to change things back to the way they where supposed to be, to create a fantasy that’s better than reality. So England qualified, and I played on the left wing, set up the winning goal in the final against Holland, Phil Neville lifted the trophy, and Frank Lampard didn’t get a game.

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Cub3d

Everybody has had their say on GTA IV, so to see a review on these hallowed pages now would be more than a little pointless. However, not many words have been said about Cub3d – the playable puzzle arcade game found within some of Liberty City’s ‘adult establishments’. So we’ll review that instead. GTA: San …

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Ninja Reflex

Can you imagine this: a game for the Nintendo DS, made up of short mini-games, which you’re supposed to play for a little while every day in order to improve some faculty? It’s an original idea the likes of which we’ve never seen before. Except of course I’m lying. There are approximately as many brain …

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Professor Layton and the Curious Village

Puzzles, brain teasers, riddles, conundrums – whatever you want to call them, the inhabitants of the peculiar village of St. Mystere are full of them. In fact, their biggest export is not any type of animal, mineral or vegetable but, as you may have guessed, puzzles. Or whatever you choose to call them. The titular …

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Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3

Do you know about the Dark Hour? The hidden hour that appears after midnight where normal people turn into coffins and shadows feed off the souls of the lost? Where special agents from SEES (the Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad) fight the shadows, summoning up personas to help them in battle and save the world. Personas …

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Game Party

I once went to a party at my friend James’ house. Unfortunately I got really drunk and ended up heaving up on the garden. I felt pretty bad. Then his mum handed me an ASDA bag and asked me to clean it up. What gives? It was the garden. She could have just hosed it …

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Dragoneer’s Aria

Have you noticed that there are already an abundance of obscure RPGs on the PSP? Congratulations – you’re smarter than most of the publishers out there. This one tries to stand out from the crowd by featuring dozens of super-sized lizards and, well, that’s about it really. Koei aren’t exactly known for innovation – just …

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NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams

Pillaging their back catalogue is something Sega like to do quite often, but the results haven’t exactly been positive – for every Outrun 2 or Sega Rally there’s an a rancid 3D update of Alien Syndrome or Altered Beast. NiGHTS is a funny one – sequels have been rumoured for ages but it has taken …

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Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem

There’s a little bit of history behind this PSP exclusive. You see, Rebellion were the first studio to have a go at pitting cinema’s illustrious baddies together way back on the Atari Jaguar, but after doing four Aliens vs. Predator titles in a row the license holders decided to let another studio (Monolith) have a …

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Geometry Wars: Galaxies

Converting an Xbox 360 game to the somewhat more humble DS is a mammoth task in itself, but it’s nothing compared to the other challenge Kuju have had to undertake. That is, to bulk up this simplistic yet cherished shooter with enough new things to justify the £24.99 price tag – which is nearly six …

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Mass Effect

Captain’s Log. Stardate: just before breakfast. I’m Shepard. Commander John Shepard. You can call me whatever you like though. In fact, via the means of plastic surgery my face can be altered in any way you fancy. You can even turn me into a female. Sheila Shepard – now that’s catchy! I’m on a mission …

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Harvest Moon DS

You might be aware that this was originally released in Japan just a few short months after the DS itself. The lengthy delay for its Euro appearance is due to a couple of things – the publisher being one; it’s gone from being handled by Ubisoft, to upstart outfit Rising Star and has ended up …

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Full Spectrum Warrior: Ten Hammers

This sequel to one of the more involving war games of recent times didn’t get a dedicated news article on these hallowed pages when it was announced: instead we bundled it in with details of EA’s SSX on Tour. If we had to go back in time and give it its very own article, we’d …

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Dragon Blaze

There isn’t a polygon in sight, but that doesn’t stop Dragon Blaze from being one of the most charming 2D shooters in quite some time, with lots of colourful enemies, nicely rendered bosses and detailed backgrounds. The fantasy theme is welcome too, replacing the formulaic spaceships, robots, tanks and flying ninjas with crossbow-wielding bats, mutineer …

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Micro Machines V4

Micro Machines V3 was the last Micro Machines game from Codemasters, but it wasn’t the last title to feature the tiny toys – Atari had a stab at resurrecting the overhead racer with a multiformat offering back in 2002. The V4 at the end of the title of this long-time-coming continuation suggests that Codemasters are …

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