It’s 1993 and the advent of the CD-ROM. One way to make use of the storage space CDs offer is to fill them with poorly acted FMV scenes filmed with next to no budget, and try to market it as a legitimate gaming experience. If your target platform of choice has lax restrictions, you may as well try and pass it off as erotica too. Sex sells, especially in 1993.
With a clap of thunder, Plumber’s Don’t Wear Ties for the 3DO was born. This romantic comedy (to use the term lightly) couldn’t even rise to the standards of a lowly FMV game, using still images instead. Coupled with stiff acting, it’s often regarded as one of the worst games of all time, and easily the worst on 3DO. It has, like a lot of bad games, achieved a cult status through YouTube over the years – which is presumably why Limited Run Games has brought it back from the depths.
Plumber’s Don’t Wear Ties: Definitive Edition is out now for £17.99, featuring 4K remastered photos plus documentary and interview content. Let’s hope it either falls into the ‘so bad it’s good’ camp or the new behind the scenes stuff is genuinely interesting, showcasing the thought process that went into its creation. It’s another game preserved, at least – it’s just a shame they couldn’t find a 3DO exclusive more worthy of a remaster.
This week is busy for the Switch as it happens, with the cozy adventure Snufkin: Melody of Moominvalley finally strolling onto the eShop. “Set-pieces come and go smartly and without overstaying their welcome and a middle-act switch to a new location has one of the most beautiful maps I think I have ever seen in a game,” said Eurogamer while handing out a 4/5.
The Switch may have missed out on last week’s Final Fantasy VII Rebirth, but it does gain Unicorn Overlord from SEGA, Atlus, and Vanillaware. This strategic RPG is reasonably anticipated, with developer Vanillaware having a long list of lustrous hits to their name. Also look out for it at retail.
Then there’s Expeditions: A MudRunner Game from Sabre, which puts a more accessible spin on the MudRunner series, now based around scientific expeditions. That’s joined by aerial shooter Warhammer 40,000: Dakka Squadron FLYBOYZ EDITION – which gained a ‘very positive’ reception on Steam back in 2021 – and the competitive digital board game Hex Gambit: Respawned.
Retro racing fans also have two to consider. New Star GP, from the creators of New Star Soccer, resembles a beefier version of Virtua Racing, with a full suite of F1 cups and modes to play through. Top Racer Collection, meanwhile, brings together Gremlin’s cult SNES racers while adding new content. You may know this series by its original name of Top Gear – Kemco released dozens of games in this line, right up until the original Xbox.
Other new releases include Kairosoft’s TV Studio Story, wave based shooter Xatrom Command – which we almost mistook for an XCOM clone – the firefighting sim Emergency Call – The Attack Squad, and Berserk Boy – a retro-inspired 2D action platformer that appears to be going down well with critics, seemingly inspired by Mega Man X.
New Switch eShop releases
Expeditions: A MudRunner Game – £44.99
Embark on ever-rewarding scientific expeditions as you adapt to nature’s challenges and unravel the mysteries of uncharted lands. Venture into the vast wilderness of arid deserts and rugged forests to the steepest mountains, brimming with hidden treasures and forgotten ruins.
Lead research missions as you drive a variety of all-terrain vehicles through treacherous paths, using advanced technologies and high-tech tools to overcome obstacles. Build and manage your base and equip your vehicles with essential gadgets like drones or scanners to ensure your success in the wild. Hire a team of top-notch experts to improve your skills in the field, unlocking new possibilities for exploration.
From the masterminds that brought 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim and Odin Sphere, ATLUS x Vanillaware presents the rebirth of tactical fantasy RPG. Fight against fate and embark on a royal adventure to regain your reign alongside trustworthy allies.
Unicorn Overlord combines the timeless tactical RPG genre with overworld exploration and innovative battle system for a unique epic fantasy experience in the iconic Vanillaware style.
Snufkin: Melody of Moominvalley – £17.99
Snufkin: Melody of Moominvalley is a story-rich musical adventure game about Snufkin restoring the valley and helping the quirky and memorable characters and critters who call it home. A series of hideous parks have cropped up in Moominvalley, disrupting the landscape and its harmonious nature. As Snufkin you will distract police officers, pull out signs, and knock over misplaced statues as you vigorously try to restore nature and the inhabitants’ home while putting an end to the industrious Park Keeper’s plans…
Warhammer 40,000: Dakka Squadron FLYBOYZ EDITION – £17.99
Warhammer 40,000: Dakka Squadron FLYBOYZ EDITION is a dynamic, aerial shooter full of action and explosions where you take on the role of an aircraft pilot.
CAMPAIGN MODE
Fly through 5 unique planets and complete tasks as a commander. The missions provide diverse objectives such as defence or sabotage. Enjoy the explosions and the scenery while defeating enemy bases.
ACTION-PACKED COMBAT
Perform barrel rolls, use boost or air brake to destroy the targets more precisely. Join one of the five available Ork Clans, gaining various bonuses. Stay tactical, attack swiftly and unpredictably, so the opponent cannot recover from defeat.
UPGRADE YOUR WAR MACHINE
Customize your plane with a variety of weapons and upgrades that can be used on the battlefield to gain an advantage over the opponent. Unlock new ships and choose your favorite loadout for sowing devastation.
Emergency Call – The Attack Squad – £26.99
Take on the role of the attack squad, explore the scene and work through the challenges in a reasonable way.
The unclear damage situation at the beginning of every scene, whether it is fires, rescue of people or technical assistance requires your attention. Keep in mind that the choice of the right tools is just as important as a reasonable tactical order you have to decide on, when exploring and working through the operations.
Plumber’s Don’t Wear Ties: Definitive Edition – £17.99
Greed, lust, spirituality, white-knuckle chases, shameful propositions, a nun, humor, true love, jaded love, jealousy, taut action, comedy, a bad guy, a good guy, a hero, spine-tingling suspense, a hot babe, brazen bravado, a damsel in distress, and a Hollywood ending!!
Plumb the depths in the definitive edition of this lost “classic”
Painstakingly restored and lovingly recreated. Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties: Definitive Edition delivers a truly next-generation CD-ROM experience. For the first time since 1993 the original version of the game is faithfully presented alongside 4K remastered photos and a wealth of documentary and interview content.
Relive the excitement of John and Jane’s fateful encounter in the first American produced visual novel. Learn about the birth of the multimedia era from industry icons, and dive into the origin featuring leading lady Jeanne “Jane” Basone with all-new documentary style content.
Holly, a humanoid weapon sealed deep within a labyrinth due to its potential to cause humanity’s downfall, swears vengeance upon humans after awakening from a slumber that spanned thousands of years.
Experience a tense roguelike action game where you protect the source of your stolen power, the altar. Destroy gates that block your way and aim to clear stages. Use the magic stones you acquire to evolve Holly and expand the altar to deepen your strategies.
Meet gorgeous girls, give them gifts, ask them out on dates, and level up your skills to win their hearts. Each girl has her own wish list for her ideal partner: one girl wants a soulmate with broad shoulders and big biceps, while another one will go gaga over your ability to recite Kant from memory. So, keep working to improve yourself, but if you want to try and win the girls over through sheer tenacity, knock yourself out!
Cat Survivors is a casual roguelite game in which a cat fights against different creatures to survive while becoming stronger through new weapons and upgrades. Shoot, dodge and create powerful combos to become stronger with each attempt to survive the chaos.
The cat, named serious Sam, is very upset when the house is in order and everything is in its place.
Help Sam get inner peace. The main task of the game is to spoil the life of the residents of the house. Playing as a cat, you will need to destroy everything around and not get caught by the owners of the house. Improvise, think over your moves in advance
For centuries the tower has stood in the center of the world. It is rumoured a ancient power lives on top. Many lives have been lost trying to climb the tower and fall to their demise, never to tell their tale. Jacob, a villager who lives on the nearby village of Destiny takes it upon himself to journey and climb the tower and climb the power for his own. Equipped with the mystical dragon claw, he must grapple and make his way towards the heavens and climb the deadly tower. With traps, pitfalls and puzzles to solve, Focus Tower will require all of your focus and patience as you make your way to the very top. Are you brave enough to climb the Focus Tower?
Take the role of an agile little blonde hero as he leaps and dashes his way to glory in 10 Seconds to Win! This is a precision platformer where you only have 10 seconds to complete each single-screen challenge. Run, jump and air dash to avoid spikes, spinning saw blades and more as you try to reach a trophy cup on the far side of the stage.
Can you master all 100 levels with increasing difficulty in time?
Hex Gambit: Respawned – £12.99
Command a squad of minions in this quirky turn-based strategy game for 1-4 players. Hex Gambit is a perfect game night staple: easy for new players to pick up, with tons of creative tactics to explore!
Bounce over the strangely elastic heads of your opponents to advance. Swat characters clear across the map. Inspire teammates with an operatic blast from a guy with a giant speaker for a head. Every minion troop is teeming with useful tricks to master!
Hellstuck: Rage With Your Friends – £6.99
Hellstuck: Rage With Your Friends is a punishing platforming game where you start in the deepest depths of Hell and must escape. But the way out is a long way up and the only thing in between you and escape is how much rage you can endure.
One day the artist saved a cat that was in trouble, and they began to live together. There were no signs of trouble until one day an evil spirit attacked the artist. After this, the artist became seriously ill and now the wise white cat must help his friend and save him from death.
To do this, you have to go on a dangerous journey into the world of ghosts and demons. Not all things here are what they seem: to see their true form, you need to have a special cat’s vision.
It will be a difficult path, but not a single demon can stop you!
Diamond Hands: To The Moon – £6.99
Diamond Hands: To The Moon is a simple to play, yet difficult to master jumping platform game where the ultimate goal is to get to the moon. You control your character by moving left, right and by jumping – and that’s it. With practice, you’ll be able to perfect your jump by controlling the jump’s strength to land on any target platform. Apes that get to the moon will earn not only the title of diamond hands, but will also be showered in their heart’s most luxurious desires!
Lights, camera, action! Get ready to enter the TV industry… Kairosoft style!
In this charming pixel art sim game, you’ll create your own shows, deciding everything from the theme and genre down to the set and the performers who star in it. Experiment with different combinations, and you might just have a hit on your hands!
Where would a TV show be without its stars? Build rapport with different talent agencies, find performers that specialize in certain genres, and get the studio audience really fired up!
NEW STAR GP is a retro arcade racer that puts you in the driving seat as you take control of your own motorsport team and compete at thrilling and iconic racing circuits around the world from the 1980s to the present day.
Upgrade your car, choose your race perks and pit strategy, and battle a grid of CPU opponents and ever-changing weather conditions to win the championship and unlock the next decade of racing!
Invite your friends to share in the fun with hectic split-screen multiplayer action in a selection of pre-made championships, or use Create-a-Championship Mode to make your own!
Try to survive in a harsh living world and explore the procedural generated world consisting of different biomes, animals and resources. Gather resources and build your camp to be prepared for harsh weather like rainstorms or blizzards. Use the environment in your favour and eventually become the wild.
Enjoy the taste of classic great tennis with the normal game mode!
Think you’re too good now? How about fast mode. Bomb mode if you want something different! Don’t let this ball hit the ground.
Astro Duel 2 blurs the line between space shooter and platform fighter. Whether versus or co-op, prepare to fight in space and on foot at the same time! Strike within the fully-destructible arenas or just nuke ‘em from orbit.
A top-secret government laboratory experiment went wrong, and now invading aliens have infested the military base.
Time to clean things up! Grab your weapon, recruit a friend, and start blasting wave after wave of alien scum into oblivion. Obtain more powerful weapons, battle against enemies of all sizes, clear each room, and eliminate the thread to the facility.
Play a single player or co-op multiplayer campaign, and have a blast.
Go Berserk! Become a master of speed and skill as you chain together combos to fill your Berserk Meter and unleash devastating special attacks! Upgrade your abilities and become an unstoppable force!
Explore the sprawling world of New Hope City! and beyond, unlock hidden missions along the way. Jump, dash, slam, and slide through multiple stages and discover alternate paths and hidden collectibles!
Next week: Llamasoft: The Jeff Minter Story, STAR WARS: Battlefront Classic Collection, GYLT, Contra: Operation Galuga, Lawn Mowing Simulator, Kingdom Come Deliverance – Royal Edition, Rainbow Moon, Violet Wisteria, Highwater, Cybertrash STATYX, UNABLES, Monster Tribe, Garden Life: A Cozy Simulator, Dungeon Drafters, Lazriel: The Demon’s Fall, PJ Masks Power Heroes: Mighty Alliance, Orion Haste, Death of a Wish, and EMPTY SHELL.