While in a charity shop earlier today my attention was drawn to a box of reduced books. The 1993 gaming joke book Mirthful Kombat was perched on top of the pile. Price? A measly 10p. I felt guilty spending so little in one transaction that I threw a few extra coins in the charity box out of common courtesy.
The cover features an illustration of the Mortal Kombat logo, despite the fact that there isn’t a single joke about the blood-soaked brawler. In 1993, MK was the talk of the town (well, playground) and so I assume the publishers thought it would help shift a few extra copies. Fellow fighter Street Fighter II gets a couple of mentions, but literally just that.
The majority of jokes are about the Super Mario Bros. with punchlines involving either plumbing or pasta. Puns based around Sonic the Hedgehog’s name – and the fact that he’s a hedgehog – are common as well, plus lots of GameBoy/Nintendo wordplay. Dozens of punchlines entailing the word ‘beep’ too, oddly.
It all seems rather odd – think about how many classic games were released in the early ‘90s, yet the writer (John Byrne) chose to stick with just a handful of subjects and characters. All signs point to Byrne being a non-gamer, then.
While reading Mirthful Kombat from cover to cover during my lunch break I shared a few select cuts on Twitter. The fact that I considered these to be some of the better examples on offer speaks volumes about the overall quality. The illustrated jokes aren’t any better. In fact, they’re impossibly worse.
Q: What did Speedy Gonzales say when a bandit stole his computer games?
A: Adios Amigas!
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Mary had a hedgehog
Which followed her around
Till it learned to speed like Sonic
Now she's trampled to the ground
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: Why didn't Cinderella buy a joystick for her computer?
A: She's useless without Buttons
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: Why do bottles of diluted orange score badly at computer games?
A: Not much concentration
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To return her mains adaptor to the game shop.
Why would she do that?
She was a battery hen
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What's the Prime Minister's favourite computer game?
A: Numbertendo
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
My brother spilled superglue on his GameBoy
Does it still work?
Yes, but he's stuck on level two
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: Where do worms read about the latest computer games?
A: In a computer maggotzine
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What do goats do before buying new games for their computer?
A: Make sure it's compatabilly
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What eats pasta, wears overalls and drives an ice cream van?
A: The scooper Mario Brothers
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What do hedgehogs hang on the washing line?
A: Their Sonic-kers
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: Does Lassie play games on a big computer?
A: No – she uses a hound held console
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What eats pasta, wears overalls and is permanently bent over from carrying heavy plumbing equipment?
A: The Stooper Mario Brothers
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What do vicars play on Sunday morning?
A: Hymntendo
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What's blue and spiky and very careful with money?
A: Economic the hedgehog
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: Who is always trying to play practical jokes on computer gamers?
A: Jeremy Beeple
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What's blue and spiky and covered with trees, mountains and rivers?
A: Scenic the hedgehog
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What's blue, spiky and plays guitar in U2?
A: Sonic the Edgehog
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: How do budgies play computer games?
A: On a seedy Mega Drive
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: How do leprechauns play computer games?
A: On their gnome computer
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What's Mary Poppin's favourite computer game?
A: The Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Mario Brothers
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What's blue and spiky and used for really tough cleaning jobs?
A: Carbolic the hedgehog
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What game do chiropodists play?
A: Nintentoe
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What is the plumbers' favourite TV show?
A: Loo Peter
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What's the most popular system in Wales?
A: The Gameboyo
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What computer games do grannies play?
A: Nantendo
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: What's blue and spiky and plays classical music?
A: Philharmonic the hedgehog
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Mary, Mary quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
It doesn't, indeed
It's covered in weeds
'Cos I'm busy with Nin-ten-do!
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
Q: Why are there so many Sonic jokes in this book?
A: It would be pointless without them
— Games Asylum (@gamesasylum) April 17, 2015
If, for some mad reason, you want a copy of Mirthful Kombat to call your own then you’re in luck – copies are available on the Amazon Marketplace, starting at 1p. That’s 9p less than I paid!
Be sure to read the user reviews. They’re more amusing than the book itself.
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