Christmas day celebrated via videogames

Usually around this time of year we take a look back at a Christmas themed game. There’s no retro look-back this year though – we’ve gone with something a bit different, like Channel 4 broadcasting an Alternative Queen’s Message on Christmas Day. We think they still do that, anyway. We’re usually passed out on the sofa by mid-afternoon.

Presenting Christmas Day in videogames:

08.00 – 09.00 – ToeJam & Earl

You put the kids to bed late last night so they wouldn’t wake up until at least 8am on Christmas Day. It’s the oldest parenting trick in the book but it works. Now it’s time to open the presents, just like in Sega’s Mega Drive classic ToeJam & Earl.

Remember kids – it’s better to give than receive, unless somebody has given you a parcel containing mouldy cabbage.

Those who were unprepared for Christmas no doubt spent last night playing Parappa the Rapper.

10.00 – 11.00 – Crazy Taxi

With the kids playing with their new presents, and having had a quick shower with a newly acquired soap on a rope, it’s time to pick the family up.

There’s no chance of making any crazy money here, but the smell of your Aunt’s rather overpowering perfume may linger in the car for a day or two.

11.30 – 12.00 – Tapper

With the family now seated, it’s time to crack out the beverages. Some want tea, others coffee. Seeing as it’s Christmas its customary for the kids to get loaded off sugary drinks too. Oh, and your Aunty is asking if there’s any Babycham. You did remember to buy some, didn’t you?

Juggling many drink requests at once is what made Midway’s Tapper (aka Root Beer Tapper) such an addictive experience.

12.00 – 14.00 – Cooking Mama

Turkey, sprouts, roast potatoes, parsnips, sausages, gravy – there’s a lot of things to cook and prepare. Can’t forget the cranberry sauce either. Hopefully that half-finished jar that’s in the fridge from last Christmas will still be all right to use.

The kids don’t like sprouts but you’ll still stick a couple on their plate in hope that they’ll eat them. This is exactly the type of sneaky trick we expect Cooking Mama to get up to back at home.

14.30 – 15.00 – The Snowman and the Snowdog

Ever since it was released in 1982, it has become customary for the animated cartoon short to be shown on TV at some point on Christmas Day. This year it’s getting a sequel – The Snowman and the Snowdog.

Crash Lab’s iOS tie-in was released in the UK on 9th December and retains The Snowman’s unforgettable pencil-framed style. Unforgeable because we’ve seen it at least 25 ruddy times. No doubt The Snowman and the Snowdog will be shown on TV for the next thirty years.

15.00 – 17.00 – Shrek Forever After

Nowadays the BBC likes to put on a kids’ CGI movie in the afternoon. We’re pretty sure they’ve shown Shrek films for the past three years running, meaning it’s likely that they’ll be showing Shrek Forever After this year. Or maybe Ice Age 3. Or that one with the owls.

Take your pick – they all had mediocre videogame tie-ins.

17.00 – 19.00 – Boom Street

The Quality Street are out and so are a selection of board games. Aunty said she can’t play any of them though because she left her glasses at home. We all know the real reason though – she’s a poor loser. Being a virtual board game with the word ‘street’ in the title, Square-Enix’s Boom Street on Wii fills this slot quite nicely.

19.00 – 21.00 – GoldenEye 007: Reloaded

Bond! You can’t have Christmas Day without a Bond film – it’s an English tradition.

Chances are it’s one that you’ve already seen before, not once but twice. Hello, Activision’s GoldenEye 007: Reloaded.

21.00 – 00.00 – Family Feud

It turns out Aunty did have her glasses after all, and now she’s accusing you of cheating in Boom Street… even though it was over two hours ago that you played. The kids won’t sleep because they’re hyper on Coca-Cola and after keeping quiet about it all day the wife has finally confronted you about buying her earrings when she doesn’t have pierced ears. It’s a right old Family Feud.

Merry bloody Christmas, readers!

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