Useless videogame accessories have been around for as long as videogames themselves. Who remembers the infamous Game Veil, a piece of black cloth designed for putting over your head while playing handheld games? Or those extra speakers for the original Game Boy, so that everybody in an entire train/bus/school/underground nuclear bunker can have their ears filled with the iconic Tetris music?
The surprise success of the Wii has been something of boon for peripheral makers, with a range of wacky (or should that be tacky?) items to clip, slot and insert your Wii remote into. Things like these:
Inflatable Boxing Gloves
When playing boxing on Wii Sports, physical contact isnâ€™t required – so why would you need padded gloves? My guess is that itâ€™s for people who want to physically punch their opponent in two-player after they give them a hiding. But look: free pump!
Check out: the box-art with Guile on it
There are plenty of unofficial Wii light-gun adaptors, but this one caught my attention due to the sheer size of it. Maybe youâ€™re meant to hang it on your wall on a plaque when not using it. This one has a â€˜lock and loadâ€™ feature which doesnâ€™t actually do anything but does reportedly make a nice clicking sound. It probably goes a bit like this: ‘click!’
Check out: the orange bits
Sweaty palms? Really cold house? Regular attendee of ’90s rave nights? Then you need these white anti-slip gloves, complete with a suspect unofficial Wii logo.
Check out: the typo on the box
Not just any old rod, but a premium fishing rod with a separate compartment for a nunchuk. Shame the best fishing game on Wii is still the mini-game in Zelda: Twilight Princess.
Check out: the freaky fish
Sword and Shield sets
Import place Deal Extreme has two different sword and shield combos. The first looks like something youâ€™d find in the toy section of Poundland and lights up like a Star Wars lightsaber. Thereâ€™s even artwork from Knights of the Old Republic on the cover. Funny thing is, we donâ€™t remember Darth Vader and his cohorts ever taking medieval looking shields into battle.
Set 1: yours for only $20.25
The second set looks much more authentic, but one of the customer comments handily points out that the swords cover up the sensor on top of the remote. Itâ€™s probably a good thing that the knifes are made out of foam.
Set 2: not too shabby looking
Air Combat Controller
Are there any realistic fight sims on Wii? Perhaps Pega – the designers of this controller – are just thinking wishfully.
Select quotes from the back of the box:
â€œBe able to feel conveniently and more sense when you play games.â€
â€œOne cupule accompanied, with this you can absorb the controller to the table and teapoy wherever you want.â€
Teapoy? Weâ€™re guessing that theyâ€™re talking about a tray of some kind.
Check out: the control description
Densha de Go! Controller
Train games are popular in Japan, but apart from various realistic PC sims the only one we can recall coming to Europe was Extreme Express on PlayStation 2. Taitoâ€™s Densha de Go! series has been running for years, and this accessory was released alongside the early Wii launch title Densha de Go! Shinkansen EX: Sanyou Shinkansen Hen. Hilariously, N Gamer magazine recently tried playing Mario Galaxy with this chunky accessory attached.
Check out: the choo-choo
Sports Gauge Pedometer
Not just any old Pedometer, but a Sports Gauge Pedometer. For reasons unknown to me (and probably the designers) itâ€™s shaped like a bone and has an image of a gorilla on the box. â€œCan be used both indoors and outdoors,â€ claims the blurb.
Check out: the sinister gorilla
Cooking Mama Prop Kit
Boxing gloves, shields and aviation controls not weird enough for you? Then how about a plastic frying pan attachment for Cooking Mama? Also comes with â€œspadeâ€, knife and fork accessories. An official Swiss Army Knife add-on canâ€™t be too far away.
Check out: the “spade”
Wii Kitty sticker
Letâ€™s end on a light note, like they do on the local news. Hereâ€™s a lovely sticker of a fluffy kitten that you can stick onto the side of your Wii to make it look less manly. Yours for… just under Â£8? Jesus, thatâ€™s a lot of money. Think of all those starving people in Africa. But then again, look how cute and innocent the kitty is! Ahh!
Check out: the extortion