Useless videogame accessories have been around for as long as videogames themselves. Who remembers the infamous Game Veil, a piece of black cloth designed for putting over your head while playing handheld games? Or those extra speakers for the original Game Boy, so that everybody in an entire train/bus/school/underground nuclear bunker can have their ears filled with the iconic Tetris music?
The incredible success of the Wii has help fill the coffers of peripheral makers but now it would seem that they’re getting stuck for ideas. Need proof? Here’s proof:
Inflatable Boxing Gloves
When playing boxing on Wii Sports, physical contact isn’t required – so why would you need padded gloves? My guess is that it’s for people who want to physically punch their opponent in two-player after they give them a hiding. But look: free pump!
Check out: the boxart with Guile on it
There are plenty of unofficial Wii light-gun adaptors, but this one caught my attention due to the sheer size of it. Maybe you’re meant to hang it on your wall on a plaque when not using it. This one has a ‘lock and load’ feature which doesn’t actually do anything but does reportedly make a nice clicking sound. It probably goes a bit like this: ‘click!’
Check out: the orange bits
Sweaty palms? Really cold house? Regular attendee of ’90s rave nights? Then you need these white anti-slip gloves, complete with a suspect unofficial Wii logo.
Check out: the typo on the box
Not just any old rod, but a premium fishing rod with a separate compartment for a nunchuk. Shame the best fishing game on Wii is still the mini-game in Zelda: Twilight Princess.
Check out: the freaky fish
Sword and Shield sets
Import place Deal Extreme has two different sword and shield combos. The first looks like something you’d find in the toy section of Poundland and lights up like a Star Wars lightsaber. There’s even artwork from Knights of the Old Republic on the cover. Funny thing is, we don’t remember Darth Vader and his cohorts ever taking medieval looking shields into battle.
Set 1: yours for only $18
The second set looks much more authentic, but one of the customer comments handily points out that the swords cover up the sensor on top of the remote.
Set 2: not too shabby looking
Air Combat Controller
There aren’t many flight sims on Wii – Sky Crawlers is the best of the lot, but rather hard to find. Perhaps Pega – the designers of this controller – hoped that more copies would have been released. Select quotes from the back of the box:
“Be able to feel conveniently and more sense when you play games.”
“One cupule accompanied, with this you can absorb the controller to the table and teapoy wherever you want.”
Teapoy? We’re guessing that they’re talking about a tray of some kind.
Check out: the control description
Densha de Go! Controller
Train games are popular in Japan, but apart from various realistic PC sims the only one we can recall coming to Europe was Extreme Express on PlayStation 2. Taito’s Densha de Go! series has been running for years, and this accessory was released alongside the early Wii launch title Densha de Go! Shinkansen EX: Sanyou Shinkansen Hen. Hilariously, NGamer magazine once tried playing Mario Galaxy with this chunky accessory attached.
Check out: the choo-choo
Sports Gauge Pedometer
Not just any old Pedometer, but a Sports Gauge Pedometer. For reasons unknown to me (and probably the designers) it’s shaped like a bone and has an image of a gorilla on the box. “Can be used both indoors and outdoors,” claims the blurb. Really? Wow!
Check out: the sinister gorilla
Cooking Mama Prop Kit
Boxing gloves, shields and aviation controls not weird enough for you? Then how about a plastic frying pan attachment for Cooking Mama? Also comes with “spade”, knife and fork accessories. An official Swiss Army Knife add-on can’t be too far away.
Check out: the “spade”
Wii Kitty sticker
Let’s end on a light note, like they do on the local news. Here’s a lovely sticker of a fluffy kitten that you can stick onto the side of your Wii to make it look less manly. Ahh!
Check out: the innocence