This week won’t go down in history as a good one for new releases, with only a trio of titles out – Kingdom Under Fire: Circle of Doom and NFL Tour on Xbox 360 and Pro Evolution Soccer 2008 on DS. Pity we aren’t all living in Japan – Super Smash Bros. Brawl is causing quite a commotion over there.

The two Xbox Kingdom Under Fire games were likeable enough, but review scores suggest that this 360 iteration is a bit tedious with too many dull dungeons. GameRankings currently doesn’t have a single review of Pro Evolution Soccer 2008 listed which is a bit worrying while EA’s NFL Tour has had some shocking reviews – Eurogamer gave it a 3/10.

Looks like there are a few reasons to open your wallet (or purse) next week though – Devil May Cry 4 and Turok should be coming to both the 360 and PS3, with Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games on DS and Medal of Honor: Heroes 2 for the Wii. Only one of those games is actually any good though.

With 17 million copies of Dr. Kawashima’s Brain Training sold across the globe, you’d think that the titular professor would be rolling in it. Not so – in an interview with AFP it was revealed that he politely turned down royalties claiming that his salary of ¥11 million (around £50,000) was enough to live on.

“Everyone in my family is mad at me but I tell them that if they want money, go out and earn it” said Kawashima.

Since teaming up with Nintendo the good doctor has landed a role at Toyota designing a car with elderly drivers in mind. I reckon it might end up looking at bit like this.

Brief and vague summaries are what we’re about, so here’s a quick round-up of the latest PSP news and some of the updates on the PlayStation Store.

» PSP firmware 3.90 is out now. The big news is that it includes Skype. So now you can use your PSP to chat with people overseas and such. However only the new Slim model PSPs will be able to use Skype, us fools who bought the original PSPs won’t get to play with that. However something called Go!Messenger will be available for all models, which is a video and voice messenger service just like Skype, except without the massive userbase.

» Patapon has got a UK release date. It’s 22nd February, which is even a little bit earlier than the US release. Good news people of Europe!

»The PlayStation Store got a bunch of nice updates last week. There are demos of Devil May Cry 4 (kind of “more of the same” but it looks sexy), Turok (the demo’s a little bit awful, although it does use the worst possible level to showcase the game), and Fifa Street 3. There’s also PixelJunk Monsters, which is a very cute looking tower defense game. It’s surprisingly addictive, and best of all it’s only £3.49, which is even cheaper than the US store price.

So yes, go out and grab PixelJunk Monsters now if you can.

There’s a little bit of history behind this PSP exclusive. You see, Rebellion were the first studio to have a go at pitting cinema’s illustrious baddies together way back on the Atari Jaguar, but after doing four Aliens vs. Predator titles in a row the license holders decided to let another studio (Monolith) have a go. After some six years, Rebellion have finally been given back their baby, but in some cruel twist of fate Vivendi only gave them six months to knock up something palatable. Trust Rebellion to be up for the challenge – their first PSP title (Namco’s Dead to Rights) was done and dusted in just three months.

The fact that it’s been put together in such a short period of time isn’t as evident as you may expect – some iffy animation aside it looks neat and tidy with some smart lighting effects and explosions, plus there are three paths through the game which you can switch between as you please. Unlike their previous efforts though you can only play as a Predator and the action is viewed from a third-person perspective. This isn’t exactly a bad thing – the PSP isn’t ideal for first person affairs anyway.

You still get to take part in the occasional three way battle between Aliens and humans too, and this also means that the developers have been able to focus on Predator’s extensive skill set and arsenal, from heat seeking abilities to shuriken throwing.

Despite a range of new weapons to unlock by amassing honour points, combat is decidedly flaky. Sometimes the Aliens launch themselves at you and if you’re quick on the draw you can throw them to the ground and get the first attack in, but firing the shoulder cannon is useless unless you lock on first and melee combat is tedious. By pressing the triangle button a static first person view appears which you can use to ‘tag’ enemies and receive more points for killing; we can’t fathom why this wasn’t incorporated with the lock-on system.

Like the movie on which it’s based, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem seems to have been made with the mass market in mind – prompts and clues are plentiful as you venture through Colorado looking for and destroying evidence of a downed Alien craft. Jumping is done automatically and by bringing up the map screen you can give yourself a spontaneous health boost. You’re even told when to activate Predator’s stealth suit to avoid being shot to bits by the army. If you can put up with the hand-holding though, it’s a fairly sturdy romp for your handheld.

Well, well, well. We have a new number #1 – the first this year, in fact – in the form of Burnout Paradise. Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games can’t have sold out again, as it’s still in the chart at #2. Wii Play has risen from #10 to #4, and Ratatouille is back in the top ten up from #30 to #9. It’s a surprise that The Golden Compass is no longer in the top ten – the PlayStation 2 version is only a tenner in Game at the moment. It’s at #24, if you’re wondering. Which you probably aren’t.

Donkey Kong Jet Race enters at #33, which is frustrating as the superior NiGHTS and Geometry Wars: Galaxies haven’t managed to get into the top 40 yet. Scrabble Interactive is the only other new entry at #36.

In the single format charts Advance Wars Dark Conflict marches on in at #11 in the DS chart, while PDC World Darts Championship darts is at #7 in the PlayStation 2 chart.

Anybody spot where the headline fits into all of this?

It’s been a while since the last Burnout, so it’s good to see that it hasn’t become another fixture of EA’s yearly update rooster. Although there was Burnout Revenge on Xbox 360, this is the first proper next-gen Burnout and reviews have been pretty positive even though the crash junctions have gone. If you’ve got… oh, two minutes of your life to waste, then have a read of this semi-interesting article about the box art.

On the flip side, Donkey Kong Jet Race has received some appalling reviews. If this makes it into the top 40 when both NiGHTS and Geometry Wars: Galaxies failed to do so then there just isn’t any justice in the world. Another one from Nintendo this week is Advance Wars: Dark Conflict for DS, which, correct me if I’m wrong, hasn’t been released in the US yet. Now there’s a thing. Maybe. If I’m right.

Next week looks like a dull one, but early February sees Turok, The Club and Devil May Cry 4.

Nothing has really happened in the games world for ages. While the real world gets the deaths of a great actor and the former president of Pakistan, and the entire world’s financial markets crashing*, the games world has had Street Fighter released on the Virtual Console for the third time and Sega doing a pun. But now something has happened! Woo.

It’s all down to Mass Effect and our dear friends at Fox News**. They put out a report condemning Mass Effect for full digital nudity (it has one side boob. For thirty seconds. Which you may not even see during the game) and for you being able to control the copulation (which you can’t, it’s a cutscene).

Of course they had experts on both sides. The pro-game expert they then shut up so the anti-game people could have the last words. Last words that included, “I’m not going to let this game into my house,” and, “No one could argue that Luke Skywalker meets Debbie Does Dallas is a good thing.” Another roundtable member went on to say that even though the game is rated Mature, kids will still play their parents’ video games. Despite a statement from Microsoft being read out earlier that said they have tools to stop that kind of thing.

The video’s here.

Jeff Brown, the vice-president of communications at EA was having none of it. He sent a letter listing corrections to Fox. He also questioned their “experts”. Let’s have a quote.

“They have had zero experience with Mass Effect and are largely ignorant about videogames, the people who play them, and the ESRB system that governs their ratings and sales.”

“The resulting coverage was insulting to the men and women who spent years creating a game which is acclaimed by critics for its high creative standards. As video games continue to take audiences away from television, we expect to see more TV news stories warning parents about the corrupting influence of interactive entertainment. But this represents a new level of recklessness.”

“Do you watch the Fox Network? Do you watch Family Guy? Have you ever seen The OC? Do you think the sexual situations in Mass Effect are any more graphic than scenes routinely aired on those shows? Do you honestly believe that young people have more exposure to Mass Effect than to those prime time shows?”

Fox News, for their part, refused to issue a retraction, but invited EA to appear on a panel, which I’m sure will completely fair and balanced. SARCASM!

* I assume this is because the world realised that our entire wealth and prosperity was tied to a few people in the city randomly guessing.

** Redefining the word friends, there. To mean neo-con cunts.

Last week Resistance 2 appeared on our radar, impressing us (well, me) with its fancy pants and 8 player online co-op. This week some official shots have been uploaded, and it’s looking mighty nice. Parts of it bare an uncanny resemblance to Crysis, but with the nice “1950s Alien Invasion” theme that Resistance does well.

To save you looking around, here are those pretty screenshots;

It’s due out some time later this year, which is nice. Keyboard & mouse support would be nice, but it will probably be reasonable with the Sixaxis too.

With 8 million copies of Nintendogs sold in Europe alone, it’s a wonder that Nintendo hasn’t milked their puppy pampering sim further than the lame Dalmatian edition. Every other publisher has since cashed in on the DS virtual pet craze – just take a look at the DS charts – but we can’t turn down the chance to talk about Sega’s effort: the brilliantly named Sega DreamCats. What a wonderful pun!

Because of the amount of squiggly writing it’s a bit hard to get any solid information from the website, but it’s worth a look if only because there are some amusing kitty pictures to be had. The RSPCA would probably have something to say about the one stuck in a paper shredder.

From the looks of things it’s out at the end of April. Another DS million seller?

Just as the failed Gizmondo handheld had almost faded from our memories, not one but two Gizmondo-related news stories surfaced today.

The history of Gizmondo is a long and corrupt one, but it’s worth reading about it if you’ve got the time – try this article on The Times Online. To cut a long story short though, it was all a sham and it has been estimated that each console manufactured ended up costing investors in the region of £6,000, with the rest of the cash blown on fast cars and absurd salaries. The first story then, is that company co-owner Stefan Eriksson – who was jailed for three years in November 2006 for embezzlement – has been released early and booted out of the US. There are a few more details on Swedish news site The Local.

But just as this news broke, mysterious website Gizmondo Alive appeared. There’s only a short animation on the site at the moment, but it suggests that the Gizmondo is somehow set to return this year with an open source environment and an Xbox Live style marketplace. The original could run pirated games straight off a standard SD card so it is feasible.

When Gizmondo Europe was liquidated a large number of games for the system were canned, including the awesome sounding Momma can I Mow the Lawn, Furious Phil and Johnny Whatever. In fact, only 14 games were ever officially released. And one of those was called Sticky Balls.

Publishers are curious beasts sometimes. THQ are a fine example – IGN has reported that the PlayStation 2 version of Destroy All Humans: Big Willy Unleashed has been canned, but it’s still on its way to PSP and Wii.

The last time I checked, PSP games were selling about as well as puke pies, whereas PlayStation 2 games were still selling moderately well. Let’s not forget that the series started out on PlayStation 2 too.

According to their website, WALL●E – based on the upcoming Pixar movie – and SpongeBob’s Atlantis Squarepantis are still due on the aging format though. I think I’d know which one I’d rather play…

It’s back in stock, and as a result Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games has smashed – or blasted, crashed, bitched, flapped etc – back into the chart at #1.

It’s quite a week for Nintendo formats, with Brain Training games at #4 and #5, Super Mario Galaxy in the top 10 for only the third time at #8, and Wii Play at #10. Chart Track inform us that 85 percent of the top ten single format unit sales are Nintendo-exclusive. It’s a laboured statistic, but a reasonably impressive one nonetheless. Especially at such a dull time of year for charts.

As for new entries, it was an all Nintendo format release week, so naturally the Nintendoness continues. Sega’s Wii Zapper title Ghost Squad is highest at #20; next is Capcom’s apparently quite excellent Zack & Wiki at #25. Between them is Link’s Crossbow Training, back at #22, presumably because it’s bundled with the Wii Zapper.

And what of the much anticipated (by a certain sort of person) NiGHTS? An amazing #30 in the Wii chart. Let’s face it, it was never going to do well. The Saturn original was hugely overrated anyway, if you ask me.