Do you remember 2006?

“Of course I do.”

Ah, but do you? Do you really? Science has determined that there is only one way to find out: by taking our needlessly cynical end of year quiz.

1. Microsoft charmingly ignored the original Xbox entirely in 2006. This left the Xbox 360 with:
   1. A lot to answer for.
   2. Remarkable and original entertainment achievements such as Gears of War.
   3. Absolutely all of the predictable, generic shit Microsoft had in development specifically for American teenagers and nobody else.
   4. Option c, plus Viva Piñata.
2. Sony forgot to do something in 2006. But what?
   1. Put together a stellar launch line-up for the PlayStation 3 to convince people that their vision of the next-generation is even slightly different from the last.
   2. Release the PlayStation 3 in Europe.
   3. Make people not hate them through thoughtful, subtle, intelligent marketing.
   4. All of the above.
3. Wii is a funny name, isn’t it? But what launch titles were there for Nintendo’s latest console?
   1. A diverse selection of first and third party titles which banished any worries that publishers other than Nintendo will give up after six months. Again.
   2. A mix of genres proving that the Wii remote can definitely do more than mini-games, and token actions in proper games.
   3. A GameCube game, some moderately entertaining mini-games, and some rushed third party games which didn’t really work.
   4. Less than in America, pushing some first party titles into the new year, to make it look like Nintendo of Europe will be releasing more than two games in 2007.
4. 2006 was the year of the handheld. But why?
   1. Sony actually managed to release a worthwhile first party PSP game in LocoRoco.
   2. Nintendo pushed the creative envelope by releasing games based around adding up and stuff.
   3. There was fuck all worth playing on proper consoles.
   4. All of the above.
5. In 2006 we lost, in decreasing order of sadness, Clover Studios, Lik-Sang and Gizmondo. But who could it be argued was to some extent responsible for the demise of all three?
   1. An apathetic public not interested in nice games, import games, and third-rate handhelds.
   2. An apathetic public afraid to demonstrate on the streets for what they believe in.
   3. The little baby Jesus.
   4. It’s always Sony’s fault.

It’s 2007 New Year Honours time, and there’s a new member of the games industry OBE gang, which currently counts among its members Argonaut founder Jez San (2002), Lionhead’s Peter Molyneux (2005) and former important man at Eidos Ian Livingstone (2006).

It’s SW19’s Ms Jane Cavanagh, SCi founder and effectively the woman who put an end to Ian Livingstone’s Eidos career when SCi bought the company. Hopefully there’s some animosity there, and there will be a good old-fashioned OBE punch-up. “For services to the Computer Games Industry,” of course.

I can’t help feeling that there must be more deserving people in the UK games industry than the largely anonymous Ms Cavanagh. Elite developer and genuine industry legend David Braben, or Codemasters founders Richard, David and Jim Darling, perhaps. You know, people who might have actually given a toss about quality and integrity at one point.

Still, it’s not as bad as June Fucking Sarpong (that’s her full name) getting an OBE. Jesus wept.

You probably know all about Atari’s money woes. Things took a turn for the worst around a year ago, prompting them sell a handful of studios and flog a few of their franchises, such as Stuntman and Driver. But rather than shut up shop for good they’re sticking to their guns, hoping to be back in the black by releasing games that are pretty much guaranteed to sell. In other words, licensed efforts such as the countless Dragon Ball Z brawlers and this French movie tie-in. Snoop Dogg – of all people – is apparently providing the soundtrack.

In some parts of the world it goes by the name of Arthur and the Minimoys, in others Arthur and the Invisibles. Why? Go ask the marketing men. It’s based on a children’s book by Luc Besson, who is directing the film himself, and is a part-animated, part-live action.

Plot: ten year old Arthur goes on a quest to find treasure belonging to the fabled Minimoys, tiny beings that live in harmony with nature, so he can save his grandfather’s house from being demolished. Sounds like third person adventure-platformer time to us.

White-haired Arthur is pleasingly acrobatic during combat, somersaulting from enemy to enemy and dishing out kicking combos. He’s also joined by a sword carrying princess and a small fat kid who can fire projectiles. The three can be hot swapped at any time, a gimmick frequently used during puzzles. Being tiny and all, they have to fight off mosquitoes and deal with other enlarged obsticles – it’s all a bit like Bug’s Life or The Ant Bully in that respect. The graphics aren’t as sharp as we would have liked, but they’re still good, if a little drab in places.

The speech in the PlayStation 2 version we’ve been playing is all in French accompanied by English subtitles. We don’t know if this is what the final game will be like though – perhaps Atari can’t afford a fleet of multilingual voice actors?

It’s due in late January for PlayStation 2, PSP, Nintendo DS, Game Boy Advance and PC.

As executives try to find ways to make programmes for ever less money, ‘user-generated content’ is slowly turning television into the Internet but without the less rubbish bits. MTV Flux is leading this erosion of the already dubious quality of digital TV. And they’ve only gone and done a games programme.

Up Up Down Down is its name, and it follows the cheap model of hugely unsuccessful show Gamerweb: a couple of people talking while playing games. They sit on a sofa in front of a blue screen, so it looks a bit like MTV2’s Gonzo. But without Zane Lowe, so it’s immediately better than that.

Colin and Jon are the gents doing the talking. It’s not exactly enlightening stuff – as much about their very normal lives as games – but it’s edited and put between music videos, so as ad break flicking fodder it’s actually not bad.

I’d rather VH2 hadn’t been replaced by MTV Flux in the first place, and there was still another music channel which occasionally played something worth listening to, but, you know, you can’t have everything.

Though EA still have the top two positions to themselves – albeit with Need for Speed Carbon moving back above FIFA 07 – and they’ve now spent more than half of the year at the top of chart, there is some positivity to be found.

In the land of Wii, Zelda’s back up a place to #11, Rayman Raving Rabbids and Red Steel return at #32 and #34 respectively, and Wii Play is still hanging around at #36. It’s a good week for Touch Generations too, with Dr Kawashima’s Brain Training taking Super Mario 64 DS’s record for highest weekly sales for a Nintendo DS title; Big Brain Academy is back at #37 as well.

Next week, we should see what’s doing well in the sales.

While we patiently wait for Nintendo of Europe to update the Stars catalogue with the ability to turn surplus Stars into Wii shopping channel points, Nintendo of Japan have decided to rub a couple of new Club Mario freebies in our faces.

The first is a custom-made Wii remote battery cover featuring your Mii. From the looks of things, all you have to give Nintendo is your Wii’s unique ID and they dial in to gather the appropriate information. We could be wrong though – the Japanese website is written in funny squiggles, after all.

The other gift is a remake of Balloon Fight for Nintendo DS, featuring Zelda’s homoerotic fairy Tingle. Shigeru Miyamoto has joked in the past that he would like to see a new version of the not quite classic NES original.

This is how jealous we are: very.

Oh, Amazon. Your sales used to be so good. Just two Nintendo DS games reduced this year? That’s really pitiful. Even more so when one of these is the dire King Kong; the other isn’t even a game, it’s the DS Lite Browser for £14.87. Star Ocean and Makai Kingdom on PlayStation 2 – for £10.97 and £11.97 respectively – are worth having if you’re into your RPGs, and Odama on GameCube is £18.97. That’s about it, really.

Thankfully the Woolworths sale makes up for it, with FlatOut 2 on PlayStation 2 for a nice £3.99 and Pac Pix and Mr. Driller on DS for £8.99 each. If you’re still keeping hold of your original Xbox, you’re spoilt for choice: Half Life 2 and Tomb Raider Legends are £9.99 a pop, while The Warriors and a handful of others are only £3.99. A 2000 point Wii card for £13.99 is about the only Wii-related thing we’ve seen in any of the online sales.

CD Wow have a couple of reduced import DS games – Mario Hoops 3-on-3 and Pokemon Ranger – for £20.49. Simply Games, who are now under new management (again), have Stella Deus on PlayStation 2 for £9.99 and Killzone for £4.99, while Gottlieb Pinball Classics on PSP is £10. Just one game stands out in the very poor Sainsbury’s sale, and that’s Dynasty Warriors – also on PSP – for £9.99.

Toys R Us have three 360 games for a tenner each – Amped 3, NHL 2K6 and NBA 2K6 – but they’re currently sold out. Project Gotham Racing 3 is a fiver more and Taito Legends Powered Up on PSP is a mere £7.99. The chance to play New Zealand Story again is worth that alone.

Is that every store covered? Probably not. That’s what the comment section is for though.

You may remember that a few months ago we reported on one man’s mission to bring classic Amiga platformer Qwak to the Game Boy Advance. That man was Jamie Woodhouse – the sole designer and programmer of the original. With promises crushed by publishers – some of which wanted to totally re-skin the game – Jamie decided to consign the code to plastic himself. The result is an officially unofficial Game Boy Advance cartridge, produced in a limited run of 300 copies.

The game itself is a fast paced ditty, comparable to Bubble Bobble and other games of yore. The idea is to guide Orville lookalike Qwak around eight themed worlds, collecting fruit and finding keys. You’ll probably get turned into roast duck – literally – on your first few goes, but once you get the hang of bouncing eggs off walls and such you’ll be hooked like a plastic duck at the fair. A fine soundtrack and the chance to save high scores rounds it off nicely.

Orders can be placed at qwak.co.uk, where you’ll also find additional screenshots, a video and a downloadable PC demo. For £15 you get a copy of the game (ours came on a neat translucent blue cartridge), an instruction manual and a case to keep it in. If you’re feeling generous – ‘tis the season, after all – you can opt to buy two copies for £27 or three for £38, and pass the spares on. Or perhaps save them for eBay – once all 300 copies are gone, it’s bound to become “R@RE”.

Sod Boxing Day – pretty much all of the sales are now go, both online and across the cold high streets of England.

Over at Game, Yakuza on PlayStation 2 is £9.98, bizarre music/RPG thing Steambot Chronicles is £14.98, X-Men III on DS is £7.98 – although we can’t remember if it’s any good or not – and Gitaroo Man Lives is £12.98 on PSP. Which we know for certain is good. Lumines II, also on PSP, is a nice £14.98. It’s not that much different from the first, but if you haven’t played that then be sure to get this. Family Guy on Xbox for £7.98 is really tempting. Especially seeing as it was on the recent Xbox 360 backwards compatibility update.

Gameplay have not one but four 360 games for £12.99: Tomb Raider Legend, Condemned, Table Tennis and Amped 3. Good games one and all. The Outfit is the same price, but less good. On PlayStation 2 there’s Rayman Raving Rabbids for £14.99, although we have no idea how it plays with the standard PS2 pad, while Sega Classics Collection is £7.99. That’s the one with the 3D updates of Virtua Racing, Golden Axe, Fantasy Zone and more. Monkey Ball Touch & Roll on DS can be found for £9.99, and Super Monkey Ball Adventure on GameCube is a fiver more.

There are 10 pages of reduced titles over at HMV, so it’s no surprise that it takes a while to sort the wheat from the chaff. Quite a few UMD movies are £4.99, which we’ll let you find for yourself, while Star Wars Republic Commando on Xbox is £7.99, Urban Chaos: Riot Response on PlayStation 2 is £8.99 and Street Fighter Alpha 3 and Breath of Fire 3 on PSP are £11.99.

Tesco sometimes have some nice deals in store, and likewise their sale isn’t too bad. The biggest gem is Final Fantasy X-2 for £4.97, although Tetris DS for £9.97 is a close second. Trauma Centre is the same price as well. Then we have Metroid Prime Hunters and Mario & Luigi 2: Partners in Time for £13.97 and £14.97 respectively. Trauma Centre is great, if a little frustrating towards the end.

Now we’re just waiting for Amazon and a few others to play catch up.

Hurrah! Hurrah! Not one but two new animal nurturing games are available on Nintendo DS today – Hamsterz (known as Hamsterz Life in the US) and My Animal Hospital In Africa. The latter is the first Nintendo DS game from Europress, whose last console game, from what we can ascertain, was that awful Smarties thing on PlayStation 2. You know – the one featuring Dave Benson Philips.

The last trickle of Wii “launch titles” are also out. Open Season, Splinter Cell: Double Agent and Marvel Ultimate Alliance to be precise. It looks like Far Cry has been pushed back until 12th Jan, which isn’t something you should get annoyed about – early US reviews have been very negative, with pop-up, glitches, a shoddy frame rate and duff controls to blame. Apparently you have to flick the nunchuk up to jump, which doesn’t sound practical in the slightest. Oh well.

What is up, vanilla faces? I’m Forty Nine Pence, the numero uno aficionado of the great rap luminary 50 Cent, or Good Sir Fiddy as his home lads say. Today I intend to proclaim the virtues of Fiddy’s new game, specifically G Unit Edition for the PSP. Now just let me doff my cap and limber up in preparation of my lyrical waxing.

The most splendid feature of 50 Cent’s games is that they allow you to play as Good Sir Fiddy himself. This one also allows you the pleasure of playing with Fiddy, though all the action takes place from a top down perspective. Right over his head. I remember one time when I walked over a beggar’s head in my local market, and he asked me “can I get abouta tree fiddy?”. Why, I gasped “God dammit, I ain’t gonna give you no tree fiddy, now go away!” – which seemed fine at first, but mere minutes later this same beggar did accost me and once more ask “tree fiddy, gimme tree fiddy!” How very dare he! Well, I soon put an end to that as I conked him on the head with my umbrella and dumped his smelly body in the green glass recycling bin. The nerve of some people.

I’ll tell you what’s also annoying – this game’s camera. As you view the world from the perspective of a dispossessed floating soul, you only see the tops of everything. Apart from Fiddy’s fine head of hair, you also see walls from atop, and doors… now, as you can’t control the ghostly camera, this does pose the occasional dilemma. “Where’s the buggery door?!” was a common response to this situation.

For a fan like myself, the bonus material is one of the highlights of this game. Many full music videos, and many more of Fiddy’s tracks, can all be played on your PSP. The prospect of playing Fiddy’s tracks in public was more than enough reason for me to play this game. Why, one time I even ordered my butler to sit on the local bus and play the exquisite Candyshop aloud from the back seat. I’m told it was a riot.

In between missions a variety of cutscenes featuring Fiddy delight the viewer, whilst the interactive hood lets you buy gear and hang with hookers and homos – virtually, of course. I’ve never been near a prostitute myself you see. I’d never do that sort of thing, certainly not. I was at home hosting a dinner party last night, you can ask my maid!

This game is exceedingly hip and cool, even when disarming your victims stylish and in no way repetitive animations play. “Boom, headshot, sucka!” Fiddy proclaims as he grabs the gun out of a henchman’s hand and inserts it up his nose for a jolly good hosing. Quite superb. I never get bored watching all these profound sequences each time I dispose of the enemies. You can even beat tramps to death with planks of wood, now that’s what I call good cricket!

Well, I’d better see matron for my daily paddle now. Word up and respect to your nannies, mister!

Carmageddon may have been sadistically violent but there was still a solid game under the blood stained exterior. This was mainly due to the way that races could be won in a number of ways – either by coming first, destroying the opposition or killing all the pedestrians (infamously turned into zombies for the console versions). Alas, there are no pedestrians or zombies here – just robots aimlessly walking around, randomly firing laser pistols. They don’t even say “I was in the war!” when you run them over. Boo!

There are six play modes in the full game, including 8 player online battles, with the demo offering two – an arena based deathmatch and a variant of tag called Hounded. It’s all suitably hectic, with ramps and speed boost pads dotted around and on some levels huge Sluggers, enemies easily three times the size of your vehicle, appear. The fact that weapons quickly run out of ammo is a bit annoying, and we can’t say that we’re fond of the garishly bright neon colours either. If you enjoyed Play It’s Motorsiege or think that a sanitised Twisted Metal sounds like your thing then give it a go, but don’t expect anything deep or tactical – you spend most of the game with one finger on the accelerator and another on the fire button.

The demo is available now weighing in at 44 MB, while the full game can be purchased for 800 points. We reckon you’d be better off with the delightful Assault Heroes though.